WTF! AYS?

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Tax payers

WTF! AYS, Tax Payers?

So, it’s that time of year, again, tax time! Good news: I don’t pay taxes! That’s right, fuck the big “O”, and I don’t mean Oprah, and fuck all you lazy asses who are counting on the fruits of my labor to fund your bullshit. Not gunna happen. Come and get me, bitches!

Stop paying your fucking taxes!

I have yet to meet someone who (1) Paid taxes and wasn't angry; (2) Didn't pay taxes, but felt owed my money.

I have yet to meet someone who (1) Paid taxes and wasn’t angry; (2) Didn’t pay taxes, and didn’t feel owed my money.

What!?!?! Did I just ask you to do something illegal? Yes I did.

Do NOT go out and rape, murder, drink and drive, or do any other stupidity. All I’m saying is don’t pay your taxes. Just don’t pay’em. Tell this government that you work hard for your money, (or that you don’t deserve the money of other hard working people,) and that you’re just going to keep it all this year, thanks.

1. The money the federal government spends is YOUR money. This isn’t this king’s money that he graciously allows you to use. Oh, no. This is OUR money, that we graciously allow them to use.

When the fuck are you going to wake up and realize that these faggots on Capital Hill are fucking around with your shit. It’s like lending them your car, but not only do they not give it back, they charge you for the gas they use – and for a new car after the drinking and driving binge with their hookers.

2. If the People didn’t pay these con-artists may finally get it through their think skulls that WE are the ones in charge. Can’t fuck up the country any more when we aren’t paying, huh?

Look, I’m a realist. I know I’m not starting some national movement, and I know that all of you reading this are sheeple who are going to pay your taxes. But I’m still going to ask you not to pay them and to spread the word. It’s only patriotic to pay taxes when the taxes are used to keep the American Dream alive; the dream of self-determination and reliance.

I hate to do this to you, but there’s not going to be a lot of cussing and ranting beyond this point. Since I’m trying to type legitimate legal code (at least in theory), I have to try and sound somewhat reasonable. But for those of you who can’t accept a post without cussing and ranting …

Fuck! Shit! Nigger! Pussy! Faggot! Pelly! Retard! Kike! I hate {insert easily offended P.C. organization here}! I hope they all burn just enough to remain conscious while they take three days to suffer and die. And may cats lick their wounds while they lie there trapped under smoldering lumber and on hot coals.

I hope that’s good enough.

So, here are my Constitutional Amendments and Tax Code, all written in two pages, that will bring true equity to Americans and balance the budget.

TWENTY EIGHTH AMENDMENT

Section 1. Congress shall not ratify a budget or enact legislation which will create or increase the debt burden of the Unites States government or the People.

[The government must maintain a balanced budget.]

If this makes me a racist, then I am a proud racist.

If this makes me a racist, then I am a proud racist.

Section 2. During times of emergency and unforeseen circumstances the federal government may unintentionally incur debt. This debt must be paid through the combined effort of lessening of federal government obligations and the raising of taxes.

[Look, I don't like taxes and I don't like social programs, but we must be willing to raise taxes and cut programs (social or otherwise) that are not specifically mentioned in the Constitution.  The point is 'short term pain for long term gain.'  We all suffer a little now so we may prosper later.]

Section 3. Raising taxes may only be used as a temporary measure.

[I'm not sure if a statement like this can go in an amendment, but the point is to ensure that the raising of taxes is not used as a panacea or an excuse for more spending.]

Section 4. Congress shall not allow its requirements or the requirements of the federal government, as provided for in the Constitution of the United States, to go unfunded. These obligations, and only these obligations, remain in perpetuity.

[No matter what, these programs, offices, department, etc. must still be funded.  However, if it's not provided for in the Constitution it is fair game for cuts.]

TWENTY NINTH AMENDMENT

Section 1. The sixteenth article of amendment to the Constitution of the United States is hereby repealed.

[Buh bye!]

She can deduct my taxes anytime!  Okay, that was pretty lame and made no sense - something 'bout a hot blond and m'brain go all gooey.

She can deduct my taxes anytime! Okay, that was pretty lame and made no sense – something ’bout a hot blond and m’brain go all gooey.

Section 2. Within the provisions of this amendment, the Congress shall have power to lay and collect taxes on incomes, from whatever source derived.

[Income is income, except for where it's not.  Tax wages, lottery winnings, the $50.00 you find on the ground, and (nearly) anything you didn't have previously.]

Section 3: All United States citizens and residents are to share the tax burden equally. No form of unequal or progressive tax shall be levied on a person or the People. With the exception of individuals whose income and combined assets place them below the poverty line set by Congress, and the provisions expressly stated in this amendment, Congress shall make no distinction between individuals; all individuals shall be taxed at the same percentage rate and frequency.

[Whether you make $50,000, $100,000, $250,000, or $10,000,000 per year everyone should pay the same percentage - no more effing loopholes!!  This goes for Social Security as well.  Why do people stop paying into Social Security when they reach $113,700.  Everyone's burden should be the same (by percentage).]

Section 4: Tax exemptions and deductions may only be applied in the cases of non-taxable dependents, federal government employment, and income taxed through another vehicle.

[In order to support the family unit, I do believe in small deductions for children (and elderly) dependents.

Why do military members pay their own wages?  Why is some money taxed twice?  If I sell used cats to Alf, I should be taxed on that income.  If I give that money to a hot, 18-year old for services rendered  she should be taxed on that income.  When money changes hands (other than inheritance) it should be taxed.  But only ONCE.  If I own a small business, I should not be taxed on my earnings as a company and on my income as a person; that's taking the same money twice, assholes!]

Section 5: Income previously taxed, or taxed under another vehicle, shall not be taxed again.

[As above.]

Section 6: Taxes shall not be levied upon the bequeathing or receipt of the estate or inheritance of a deceased family member.

[As long as it stays in the family, or is donated to a legitimate charity, the estate of the deceased and the passing of the estate on to heirs should never be a taxable events.  On the other hand, bequeathing it to my 18-year old mistress should be taxable.]

Section 7:  An individual’s combined total tax burden to local, State, and federal governments shall never be more than 50% of the taxable income.  When the tax burden reaches 50% the priority goes to local and State taxes before that of the federal government. 

[This is based on the 10th amendment, where I believe States need to take more responsibility for services, and that no matter in what kind of crazy place you live, your combined tax burden should never be more than 50% of your income.  A Constitutional amendment cannot direct the actions of a State, so I don't determine that local taxes should take priority over State taxes; but I do limit the federal government in relation to the State. (States > federal)]

Is it income if she ate all of my fucking money?

Is it income if she ate all of my fucking money?

TAX CODE WHILE THE USA STILL MAINTAINS A DEFICIT.

[The point of this is that we all suffer to pay what we owe now and not leave it for our grand kids.]

26 USC Subtitle A – Income Taxes

26 USC § 1 – Tax imposed

There is hereby imposed on the taxable income of every individual U.S. citizen and legal or illegal resident:

If the taxable income is less than or equal to the established poverty line, the taxable income is 0.

If the taxable income is greater than the established poverty line by as much a $0.01, the taxable income is 25.0%.

Married individuals, who are married throughout the entire year, with no lapse due to separation, may file joint returns by adding their incomes together and paying 25.0% of this total sum.

26 USC § 1 – Exemptions

All personal income from any source is to be considered as income tax. This includes wages, salary, tips, gifts, prizes, and other earnings and forms of income. The following are the only exemptions to the previous sentence:

Income derived from ownership of a small business or corporation shall be taxed at the appropriate small business or corporate tax rate.

Income derived from the dividends, capital gains, or other earnings directly corresponding to the sale or trade of stocks, bonds, and other authorized investments shall be taxed at the capital gains tax rate.

Income derived from approved retirement savings accounts shall not be taxed.

Married individuals filing a joint return may deduct 0.5% per dependent child, up to a maximum of five children or 2.5%.

TAX CODE WHEN WE NO LONGER HAVE DEBT.

[Once we've un-fucked the budget, we can be more reasonable.  As one politician said (I forget who):  "If 10% is good enough for God, it's good enough for the government."]

Which is why I don't pay taxes.  Fuck off, IRS!

Which is why I don’t pay taxes. Fuck off, IRS!

26 USC Subtitle A – Income Taxes

26 USC § 1 – Tax imposed

There is hereby imposed on the taxable income of every individual U.S. citizen and legal or illegal resident:

If the taxable income is less than or equal to the established poverty line, the taxable income is 0.

If the taxable income is greater than the established poverty line by as much a $0.01, the taxable income is 10.0%.

Married individuals, who are married throughout the entire year, with no lapse due to separation, may file joint returns by adding their incomes together and paying 10.0% of this total sum.

26 USC § 1 – Exemptions

All personal income from any source is to be considered as income tax. This includes wages, salary, tips, gifts, prizes, and other earnings and forms of income. The following are the only exemptions to the previous sentence:

Income derived from ownership of a small business or corporation shall be taxed at the appropriate small business or corporate tax rate.

Income derived from the dividends, capital gains, or other earnings directly corresponding to the sale or trade of stocks, bonds, and other authorized investments shall be taxed at the capital gains tax rate.

Income derived from approved retirement savings accounts shall not be taxed.

Married individuals filing a joint return may deduct 0.25% per dependent child, up to a maximum of four children or 1.0%.

In case you’re wondering, and so I don’t have to write code for every tax type out there, my small business, corporate, capital gains, sales, social security, property, and every other tax would read similarly. (In fact, I would get rid of some of them completely.) All tax code would be simplified, egalitarian, and meaningful.

No mortgage loopholes.  No bugger picking loopholes.  No failed green tech loopholes. No “I have a better accountant that you” loopholes.  We all pay our fair share in an ACTUAL equal manner.

Until that happens, fuck you and the Joe Francis you rode in on!

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One thought on “Tax payers

  1. bclark3030150 on said:

    fuck ya………i think i just came!

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