Because my ego says I'm the most important person on the Internet!

Some random American jackass.

WTF! AYS, some random American jackass?

I had a story here, but there’s no point in recounting it.  It’s long and really misses the point of the message, which is: If I don’t speak your language, be sure to scream at me so I can understand it better.

I mean, don’t get we wrong.  The only words I know how to say in German are hefe-wisenScheiße; and remember dubbaya dubbya two you Nazi green-leprechaun-shorts wearing Aryan jackbooter.  Okay, that last one may not be German, but when said really angry it could sound German.

I'm PROUD to be an elitist

In case you were wondering.

When I come across a German who doesn’t speak English, the first question I ask is why the fuck didn’t we make Germany the fifty-first State?  After that I remember how much I hate sauerkraut, then ask myself why am I in their country not speaking their language?  I’m not a fucking tourist here, I live in their country and for some reason expect them to speak to me in my country’s language.  Then I remember that I’m an American – the bestest and most important people on the planet; so they should talk to me in Americanese while begging me every day for forgiveness, and handing over all of their 18-25 year old blonde women for a night (or day, whatever works better) of fun.

What I don’t do is assume that when I speak louder it automatically translates into German; because everyone speaks the language of scream, right?  Now, I can understand speaking slower.  There are a couple of words in German that sound the same in English like, “I said no teeth, bitch!”  Perhaps the discerning mind can pick up those nuances, so speaking slowly is not only forgiven, but encouraged.

But there is a difference between speaking clearly, enunciating your words, and screaming like this crazy lady: 

So, remember that when you live in someone else’s country you may actually have to speak to one or two of them.  Learn some of the language, at least learn how to say Call 911!  Oh shit, I’m in Germany and they don’t have 911!”  Or the ever important, “How much for a quickie?  I have five minutes before my wife gets off the can!”


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2 thoughts on “Some random American jackass.

  1. You have no idea how happy this post makes me.

  2. It’a always nice to find another jackass.

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