Inaccurate Bible quoters
WTF? AYS, inaccurate Bible quoters?
I’m not sure why I have to keep coming back to religious topics when I’m trying to keep this site as religiously or non-religiously neutral as possible, but when it comes to stupidity I think that religion – or, more accurately the followers of religions – really takes the cake.
How many times have you been out in public when you see some faggots reenacting the Return of the Jedi fight scene between Luke and the black dude with the pink schlong with their penises; or you make an innocent comment about how you want to kill all Europeans because they use Mayonnaise (which is a mixture of cum and eggs) instead of catsup, ketchup, or however you want to fucking spell the word, and some dipshit says, “Don’t judge him! The Bible says, ‘Do not judge lest ye be judged!'”
The Bible also condemns masturbation*, so I’m going to hell anyway. Anytime I see Rebecca de Mornay, even in her 50’s, I can’t help but put my penis into a fist full of hand lotion. Given the opportunity I’d treat her like the Lady she is -(I’d take out loans with the mafia and sell my first born for 24-hours with her) – then ravish her like a crazed incubus. I’d only ever get one shot at it, so I’d better make it good … for both of us.
Anyway, now that I’ve had a twenty minute break to clear my, uhhh, mind let me get back on topic.
First of all, to all the fucktards out there who don’t understand the context of the Do not Judge statement, this includes Priests who misuse it like a teenage altar boy – (too easy, I know) – the statement and all other statements of it’s ilk are in reference to Spiritual issues not earthly issues.
To make this shit simple for you.
It’s God’s place to judge you in terms of heaven and hell. No man, priest, father, imam, or other knucklehead has any say in terms of your soul. If he pretends to then he himself is going against God. All he may do is interpret, educate, and give his best guess. Your soul is between you and God.
It is man’s place to judge you in terms of human society. If you beat women, which is considered bad in some societies, and the law of the land states you shouldn’t do that, man (read: humanity) is allowed to judge you for being a bully and let the woman step on your testicles with sharpened stilettos.
Using the easy topic, because I’m too busy (masturbating to Rebecca de Mornay pictures) to think of something funny and/or intellectual at the moment, if Missouri determines that you being a butt pirate is illegal it is Misery’s right to do that. Miseryans may judge you on an earthy level. However, on a Spiritual level only God may do that. Jim the barber or Father Rubbinnuts have no clue what God thinks on the matter, all they can do is speculate based on 2,000 year old text.
No man may ever condemn your soul, but man may condemn your body and how you’re treated on this planet.
We’re all judged every day of our lives. We’re judged by how we dress, how we talk, how we act, with whom we associate, and so on. You just have to get over that. If you’re so uptight about being judged then don’t do the shit for which people will judge you. If you want to beat women, eat kittens, or shoot Canadians you need to live in an area where that is acceptable – where it is ‘judged’ to be okay – or you will be condemned here on earth. Yes, we all know that God is perfectly okay with the killing of all Canadians, they aren’t really people anyway, eh. But for some anti-Christian reason human law prevents it. I blame all of the Liberals who hate the Bible! It must be their fault that I can’t snipe Quebecois, right?
Psalm 666:69 And the Lord spaketh unto David. “If thoust witness a Canuck in thine vicinity, I doth command ye to depart with its life tout de suite or thee shall surely be heaved most mightily into the lake of fire.”
* Masturbation is never pointed out in the Bible as a sin; it was added by the Church to fuck with your mind. In fact, Masturbation is a great form of avoiding the real sins of sexual impropriety. Which is why my penis is red and raw after staring at RdM for the last two hours. My cock is spitting out dust and I want to go at it again. Thank you RdM for proving that I am a man and that I’m certainly not an impotent man! I love you!
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- Judgement by A Schoonbee (christianmotivations.weebly.com)