Because my ego says I'm the most important person on the Internet!

Fat people

WTF! AYS, fat people?

Don’t give me any of this bullshit:

This is what happens to guys who don’t like girls.

  • I’m not fat, I’m big boned. – No, I’m big boned! My mistress can confirm this. You, sir, are fat!
  • It’s a thyroid condition! – Really, let me see your medical records for proof.
  • I’m not fat, I’m plus sized.  – Fuck that! You’re a multiplication table!
  • My body is a temple! – To whom, Adephagia?
  • Fat is beautiful! – Only when it’s sizzling in a pan of bacon and eggs!

Not only are you taking a terrible toll on my eyes, but your body is screaming at the point of bursting.  Those fart sounds coming from your ankles are not normal!  That smell coming from one of your seven potential bellybutton holes is not the sweet scent of success.  You really should be embarrassed to find a used condom suck in your thigh crack.

Fat lady

Is this a female? Just lift the flab to find out.

Seriously, how do you wipe your ass?  Do you use a whole roll of TP and just slide it up and down every crack hoping for a hit?

Everything is an acronym these days:

F – Fix that
A – Ass
T – Today, bitch.

“But I can’t help it!”  Yes you can!  Here’s how you start:

  • Go for a fucking walk.
  • Stand up and sit down 100 times.
  • Do jumping jacks.
  • Fill a bag or backpack full of shit and do curls.
  • I hate you so I don’t want to type any more.  Just check out this website for more shit your stupid fat ass can do at home.

“Women who suffer from obesity are more likely to lose brain tissue …” (Viewpoints: Healing News from Insulite Laboratories, November 2005).   Let’s think about this for a minute.  If you let yourself get this way you really didn’t have a lot of brain power to begin with.  Now, you’re fucked, and not in the orgasmatastic Autumn Riley sort of way, but more in the it sucks to be you sort of way.   YOU NEED HELP!

So, not only are fat people proven to be stupid, but, unless they are rich and can pay for their medical expenses on their own, unhealthy people are a burden on society. They raise insurance premiums, compete with Home Depot parking lot attendants for emergency room time, stink to the high heavens!  Therefore, fat people should be rounded up and killed before they cost society another dime it could be using on the war on porn.

If you are healthy but larger in stature than an anorexic super model, you’re not fat. Healthy people are not fat! Fat people are unhealthy. It’s okay to wear XXL if you’re able to move about without assistance and your heart isn’t going to explode when you have to squeeze out a stubborn shit.

 Wait, did I say Autumn Riley …

If I eat her would I get fat? That’s a chance I’ll just have to take.

… I’ll be back …

Okay, so there’s another way that a non-fat chick like Autumn Riley serves society.  Because of her, I was vigorously exercising for the last fifteen minutes.  I did about a 1,000 reps with my right arm, and when I’m done here I’ll do another 1,000 with the left arm.  Add that to the list of things you can do at home.  And if you’re really creative you’ll figure out how to turn that into leg thrusts, sit-ups/crunches, and a full cardio workout!  Let your imagination go wild!

Instead of being a good reason to sterilize society, why don’t you become an inspiration to society.  I know I am inspired for those left-handed reps!


Weight loss training video.

Just like I tell all of my girlfriends, “I don’t care if you get fat, baby, as long as you bring me the cash!” Wait, that’s not the one I meant. Oh, yeah, what I tell them is, “I don’t care about your weight, as in a specific number, I care about your health. If you’re sweating climbing up two flights of stairs, if you can’t walk a mile without huffing and puffing, or if standing up is considered a workout you are fat!

Are you obese? Do you take offense to the information presented in this blog? Well, in reality we do care about your physical and mental health. Please click this link for a more positive and healthy atmosphere. 

Are there good fat people? Sure, why not. Here are a list of fat people I respect:

Notice that every last one of them is a fucking comedian, and none of them are women. Why? Because fat dudes are funny and fat women make other people want to vomit. There’s a scientific explanation for this: We turn bulimic for you in the hopes you’ll take the fucking hint.

Fat women are fucking nasty! If people mistake your legs for a spool of rope you’re fat.  You’re the reason the burqa was invented.  Maybe Islamic culture got this one right – at least for fat chicks!

Then again, there is this:  

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