WTF! AYS, employment elitists?
I’m writing this one on the request of a friend, so let me crack my knuckles and dig right in.
Who the flying fuck do you think you are to look down upon the mechanic, the construction worker, the garbageman, or other manual laborer? Seriously? Hey fucktard! Without the mechanic you can’t drive. That’s okay though, I suppose, as you won’t have to walk too far from the cave you’ll be living in – because you’ll be stuck trying to wade through a meter of SHIT!
If you’re going to belittle the mechanic or poo-poo the garbageman, maybe you should take a moment to stop sucking on your daddy’s tit – (you know what I mean) – and try and figure out who’s going to fix your car or clean up your nasty shit up! I’m certainly not picking up your thrice used rubbers.
Look, I hate manual labor. I run, hide, and bribe my way out of it as often as I can – because I can. At the same time I don’t EVER belittle the retard washing tables at McDonalds, or the one who built the Leaning Tower of Pisa. With out these people other fucktards wouldn’t be able to drop rocks from a certain height to give us the atom – or some shit like that.
No, I love my mechanic and garbageman. Just like Santa, I bring them cookies, milk, and hookers. Why? Because they do a job that I absolutely refuse to do; and will continue to refuse to do until necessity dictates otherwise. But, I stress that when necessity has dictated – and if it should ever dictate again – have dug ditches, trimmed trees, and sucked cocaine out of Fred Savage‘s ass [CLICK HERE].
So, instead of acting like your 9 to 5 job on the unemployment line is somehow preferable to digging post-holes, or telling your kids ‘you don’t want to end up working for your entire life, do you?’ How about aspire to have a fucking steady job yourself, and instill some kind of work ethic into your selfish ass brats before I bury them next to the porn collection I’m hiding from my wives. Maybe try a profession that that’ll actually pay the bills, and not worry so God damn much if your poo-flinging buddies will look down on you for it.
Or here is my absolute favorite: [Forbes List of Least Valuable College Majors]!! I think over 80% of my FaceTwit+1 friends fall into one or more of these majors. To be honest, I’m to the point now where I just laugh my ass off when I read their e-tears about how life is so boo-fucking-who horrible because they won’t pull their heads out of their asses long enough to breathe a bit of reality.
Notice that of these ten degrees all of them are hippie bullshit degrees that don’t serve any useful purpose. Well, maaaayyyyybe you could make an arguement for one or two of them; but not a good argument. No wonder why you retards can’t get a good job! You thought you’d cheat at life, get some bullshit degree to try and feel good about yourself, and somehow think that your lazy ass is better than the rest of working society. I don’t exactly hate you people, but if you’re ever on fire and I have water … I’ll drink it.
Anyway, look at you now. Unless you’re lucky, or you whore your kids out to the Thai mob for cash on the side, you’re underemployed or unemployed. You live with mommy or seven other roommates selling your ass for rent and powdered milk, and generally are a shit stain on society who thinks that you deserve to eek out a living off on MY effort. Get the fuck out of here! I’ll slap your stupid ass across the room like a chihuahua!
All this grief because you’re ‘too fucking good’ to get a real job, or somehow think that you must be allowed to have fun in your career. I’d love to earn an income jerking off to Tori Black for the rest of my life, but that shit ain’t going to happen. Now, I could stay here crusting up my mother’s basement until social services kicks me out, but I actually want to live into my retirement age and have some fun. Yes, some lucky bastards get that. Some lucky bastards are also born with a fucking silver spoon in their mouths, but that wasn’t you or me. So, I’ll stop waiting for the jiz fairy to come by and give me quarters for all of the quarter spots I’ve dropped, and you stop fucking whining about life and eating the soles of shoes scooped in Alpo, and we’ll both get a real jobs.
If you have a degree in any of those ten fields – (Indiana Jones, Stalking, Fooling People into Thinking You’re Cultured, Talking Nonsense, Liberal … fuck, anything with the word Liberal in it, Tootin’ a Horn, Running in Circles, Drawing Stickmen, Flashbacks, or Engrish) – and if you somehow feel that you have something positive to give to society, you are a bad person and should feel bad. Why don’t you slip into something more comfortable – like a coma.
A philosophy major can’t tell the difference between a pile of shit and pudding, but damn will they yap about it all day. Yes the fucking cat is in the box. Just because you can’t see it or you don’t know it’s there doesn’t make it not true. Keep talking, someday you’ll say something intelligent.
Now, if you know you’re a dumb fuck for having any of those degrees and for not being able to find gainful employment, you’re all right – you have hope. By now you realize that you fucked up your life and you’re willing to accept that, and maybe even change it. But if you sincerely believe that you are somehow better than the Joe who kicks your recycling back into your yard, then you owe the world an apology before you kill yourself.
Why the fuck are you still reading this? I said kill yourself you worthless, pathetic, will-never-amount-to-anything leach. You’re so pathetic, your imaginary friend hates you.
So, stop giving me your little song and dance about how you are university educated and therefore above working as a garbageman, ditch-digger, or landscaper. You may even surprise yourself at how much those people make!
Do something useful with your life or end it … now!
- Our Fucking Elitist President (slog.thestranger.com)
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- The Fine Art of Giving A Shit (thegoodword.me)
- Employers Want Highly-Trained Workers At Manual Labor Wages (crooksandliars.com)
- On Philosophy (Ugh, no. I know) (runonsentience.wordpress.com)
- 5 Excuses That Prevent Us from Growing Up (scott-williams.ca)
- Enough of this pseudo academic bullshit, UNLEASH THE BEAST (razchaoten.wordpress.com)
- Manual labor for the relatively poor. (gobblethegeek.wordpress.com)
- Fuck the Service Industry (bobbymadness.wordpress.com)
- Funemployment = Candycrushing & Vining (mintjewlep.wordpress.com)