WTF! AYS?

Because my ego says I'm the most important person on the Internet!

Anti-Gun Activists


WTF! AYS, anti-gun activists?

So, once again it’s been some time since I’ve posted. God damn it I’m trying so fucking hard not to make this a political site, but between my retarded ass friends, moronic family members, and the rest of you fucking mouth breathers out there, you leave me no choice. You are all so fucking stupid that I have to wrap my head in duct tape to prevent it from exploding into smithereens. What an awesome word, smithereens. Doesn’t that shit just make you want to smile? Smithereens … smithereens … smithereens … smithereens … fucking amazing!

This is my brain after talking to one of you retards.

This is my brain after talking to one of you retards.

Alright, since I know that either you agree with me, or you’re a pseudo-educated cur that probably has the attention span of a gnat, let me cut to the chase. Comment One: “You don’t need a gun!” “You don’t need a gun with ‘x’ capability and ‘y’ magazine size.” (It’s a magazine not a clip you fucking retards!  Arrgh!  This is what happens when you’re educated by TV.) Response One: Who the fuck are you to tell me what I need?  Seriously, what fucking planet did you come from to stand in my face and tell me what I need?  Hey asshole, I don’t need a television, but I have one. I don’t need a boat, but I have one. I don’t need you in my face, yet there you are.  I don’t need books, but I have a lot of them.

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Video Game Testers


WTF! AYS, video game testers?

So, I have been spending the last couple of weeks jerking off to (while play testing) “Lara Croft (aka: Angelina Jolie) versus Aliens and Predators“, a new game being put out by Kapcum. I may be breaking a Non-Disclosure Agreement here, but the goal of the game is to get an Alien’s smaller second mouth into Angelina Jolie’s snatch, while avoiding the Brad Pitt looking Predators.

Average play tester.

Average play tester.

This is one of them thar massively online games where a billion or so pussy starved kids pretend to be social aware, which such great …
… Conversation starters: “Fuck you, dick!” and “UR a N00b!”
… Character names like: xPussyLicker and Kok Teiz.
… Deals like: “400 AJ pubes for $20.00 US! Fast power revering; you get boom boom in no time frat!” They are Chinese, you see, so their keyboards force them to type like that. And unlike the producers of the current Red Dawn movie, I ain’t afraid to piss some people who smell like onions stuck in sweat socks and who I can blind fold with dental floss.

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Prudes


WTF! AYS, prudes?

What the fuck do people have against sex, sexuality, and porn?

Ladies – beautiful, sensual, lovely, and wonderful ladies – if you’re too scared to use your pussy can I just borrow it for a while?  I’ll treat it well and bring it back in a better condition than I found it.

Guy, really? Studies show that 90% of men masturbate, while the other 10% lie about it.* So, have at it. Jump up and down on your bed, destroy those bed springs while you’re stroking your schlong. You’ll get a good cardio workout and the neighbors will think you’re awesome in the sack – hell, if she’s female she may come over to try some of that action for herself – and you can pretend that Lindsay Lohan is snorting coke off of your cock and putting her fingers in your ass at the same time.

On second thought … ewwww.

Prudes, don’t cite some bullshit study that says sexuality has negative mental and emotional side effects, because I can cite (more than) one right back to you that shows how sex improves emotional stability and mental acumen.

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American voters


WTF! AYS, American voters?

tl;dr: Obama voters are fucking stupid and should die slow, horrible deaths.

DumbObama

Truer words cannot be said.

I could go on for forty days and forty nights about the idiocy that is the American voter, but I’m only going to pick a couple of issues because you fucking retards out there won’t be able to comprehend anything more.

First of all, FUCK OBAMA! And FUCK ALL OF YOU PEOPLE WHO VOTED FOR HIM! That’s right, a biiiiiiiggggg FUCK YOU to friends, family, and other assholes who voted for this Captain Moron.

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Fat people


WTF! AYS, fat people?

Don’t give me any of this bullshit:

This is what happens to guys who don’t like girls.

  • I’m not fat, I’m big boned. – No, I’m big boned! My mistress can confirm this. You, sir, are fat!
  • It’s a thyroid condition! – Really, let me see your medical records for proof.
  • I’m not fat, I’m plus sized.  – Fuck that! You’re a multiplication table!
  • My body is a temple! – To whom, Adephagia?
  • Fat is beautiful! – Only when it’s sizzling in a pan of bacon and eggs!

Not only are you taking a terrible toll on my eyes, but your body is screaming at the point of bursting.  Those fart sounds coming from your ankles are not normal!  That smell coming from one of your seven potential bellybutton holes is not the sweet scent of success.  You really should be embarrassed to find a used condom suck in your thigh crack. Read more…

Inaccurate Bible quoters


WTF? AYS, inaccurate Bible quoters?

Bible

Cartoon Bibles are where I think most people receive their understanding.

I’m not sure why I have to keep coming back to religious topics when I’m trying to keep this site as religiously or non-religiously neutral as possible, but when it comes to stupidity I think that religion – or, more accurately the followers of religions – really takes the cake.

How many times have you been out in public when you see some faggots reenacting the Return of the Jedi fight scene between Luke and the black dude with the pink schlong with their penises; or you make an innocent comment about how you want to kill all Europeans because they use Mayonnaise (which is a mixture of cum and eggs) instead of catsup, ketchup, or however you want to fucking spell the word, and some dipshit says, “Don’t judge him! The Bible says, ‘Do not judge lest ye be judged!'” Read more…

Halloween haters


WTF! AYS, Halloween haters?

It’s that time of year again. Yep, it is the time of year when you buy a ton of candy, eat it all, and scream ‘Oh, shit!’ at the last moment and quickly brew up some caramel covered onions for the kiddies.

  • Or maybe you’re the type that pulls out the ol’ Parker Brothers Ouija boardbecause we all know that when you think occult you think Parker Brothers– and talk to some spirit from beyond the veil.

    Child Costume

    What’s wrong with educating (botany) while having fun (smoking)?

  • Or you go out dressed as some bully teenager and steal candy from the kids who wasted their time collecting it for you.
  • Or you do what I do: close all of the curtains, turn off all of the lights, watch TV at a really low volume, and ignore the doorbell.

However you celebrate it, Halloween is a great time of the year. So, why the fuck are some dipshits trying to ruin it for everyone? These fucktards are citing economic, religious, and cultural concerns. Read more…

Religious Idiocy


WTF! AYS, religious idiots?

First things first, I believe in God.  Come back to this sentence after you’re read this post, as you’ll certainly forget it.  I … believe … in … God.  Maybe I should more accurately say that I believe in Intelligent Design.  What I don’t believe in is religious institutions or the fucking pricks who lead them.

Fuck the anti-religious zealot, Bill Maaaaahrererer.
That’s right, touch mah pee pee … TOUCH IT!

  • The Catholic Church are historically a bunch of criminals.
  • The Protestant Churches are confused and trying to remain relevant by shaking their fists at the Catholic Church (and each other).
  • Muslims are savage barbarians that would impede human progress at every step; like the Catholics did in the middle ages.
  • Jews, well, if you’re God’s chosen I’d prefer to be the ignored red-headed step-child.
  • Satanists are just emo kids with daddy issues.
  • Wiccans scream witchcraft but (most) can’t even talk a good game.  Blessed be a foot in your ass, you fat whore who really should NEVER run around naked like that ever again!  Oh my goddess I’m gunna puke.
  • Buddhist think too much and do too little.
  • Scientists are corrupt, and just as dogmatic and jingoistic as religious leaders.
  • The spaghetti monster, well, that’s REAL!  I’ve got pictures (below) to prove it!

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Obama supporters


WTF! AYS, Obama supporters?

Because I haven’t typed in a while, and some ‘friends’ of mine are spinning me up via e-mails and social networking, I figure I’d stick a big black Oblama dick in their asses for being sofa king wee todd id!

#1: There is no god damn war on women, you stupid ass misandrists. First of all abortion for any other fucking reason than to save the life of the mother, or in the case of incapacitating birth defects in the child – where it will never be able to live on its own – is fucking murder. This isn’t some religious bullshit, this is common fucking sense.

Aborted 9 week fetus

I want my baby back baby back baby back
I want my baby back baby back baby back
Baby back riiiiiiiibs

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Dipshit Employee


WTF! AYS, Dipshit Employee?

First of all, let me start with a tangent.  No, I haven’t forgotten about this site, and yes, I will post here more often.  I’ve been busy working on a side project – negotiating prices between the Secret Service and their, uhhhh, secret services.

It’s all classified, so if I tell you I have to kill you.

Anyway, what the fuck is up with this moron who doesn’t bathe, dresses like a hobo (sans shopping cart), and has the personality of a rabid ape thinking that he deserves a promotion?

If even Andy Dick looks sick when puckering up to another dude’s ass, you know there’s a problem!

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