WTF! AYS, Transgenders?
Shit, can you believe that it’s been eight months since I’ve spread any hate and tried to piss everyone off? I bet you forgot about me! The problem is that there just so much to rant about! I can’t type fast enough to keep up with my thoughts, so, instead of trying, I go buy hookers, cocaine, and double quarter pounders with extra cheese – to keep up my (pregnant) girlish figure – and enjoy my life. Mmmmmm … buuurrrrgerrrr faaaatttt.
I’ve been mulling this topic in my noggin’ for a while now. I wasn’t going to rant about it, because quite frankly it so mother fucking stupid that I can’t envision wasting my time on it. Yet, here I am, coming down to your level.
Our topic today, in the famous words of Andrew “Dice” Clay, is about transtesticles.
Transtesticles are those people who fall into any of the following three categories:
- Chicks with dicks.
- Meterosexuals (aka: faggots)
- Retards who think they can ‘non-conform’ by removing all mention of their penis, boobs, or holy vajayjay.
At the end they all are fucking morons who should have they genitalia removed with an M-80.
Personally, I don’t give a shit if you want to rip off your penis and give it to Chaz Bono to chew on like a year old jerky stick, just don’t do it on my dime – and don’t call yourself something that you’re not. I’m an asshole who hates nearly every other human being on this planet. I don’t shy away from that. I’m not ‘confused’ about my place in the world, I am very sure of myself and of your fucking stupidity.
If you were born female, you’re female. Shut your pie hole and go cook me dinner. If you were born a male, you’re male. I understand that you may love pussy so much that you feel you have to have one of your own, but this isn’t the way to get one.
Here’s a quote from Baghdad Bob: “There is no penis here!” That’s right, I just necro-referenced. One, because the Iraqi Republican Guard were are all faggot ass towel monkeys, and two because he’s standing up to piss his pants while US tanks were making him dance.
Ask yourself this question: “Was I born with cock and balls or was I born with a pink taco?” There you go! You have the answer to your gender identity.
Thomas Beatie is a woman. She can dress up like a dude, glue on some nasty back hair, and strap on a dog pinky, but all she did is make herself an ugly chick who humps legs. The truth is, her gambling debts spiraled out of control and this was her way to hide in plain site and make money on the side; quite ingenious, really. Either that or she was so jealous of boys fucking her posters that she wanted to give it a go.
Anyway, no human male can get pregnant, ever. No Lee Press On Penis, or Thai makeup artist will turn you into a guy. You’re a chick. Don’t like it, kill yourself and hope for a better Wheel of Fortune spin in your next reincarnation.
“But I don’t want to be a guy! I feel like a girl!” Just because you’re constantly beat up by your younger sister, play dress up and tea party with her dolls, and are sodomized by middle school nerds, doesn’t mean that you’re a chick. It means you need boxing lessons. Feeling like a pussy does not mean you’re a girl, it means you need to man up!
“But I like to wear girls clothes.” Yeah, so do I, but I ain’t no queer. I wear my girl’s underwear after she gets all moist in them. What, too much? Fuck you! At least I know I’m a guy! Japanese vending machines are the best!
If you’re a woman who becomes a man, you were probably ugly as fuck. You know the type: fat, hairy, and flatulent. It dawned on you one day that no one cares if you’re a fat hairy man. I’m talking to you, Chaz Bono; bonofide retard. HA! That was funny AND true – you know it.
And all of you fucking fairy-ass homos who are going to try and act tough, with your pink scarves and high-pitched voices, bring it on, bitches. Your kitty claws don’t compare to my Walther P38. I hope you fucking die from the squirrel shoved in your asshole. Wait, no I don’t. I don’t believe in animal cruelty. Save the squirrel!
There are only three genders, and they all relate to how you were born:
- Fucking retarded attention whore who needs to die from a drug overdose.
Everything else is simply bullshit.
The Facebook 50-ish gender options:
Agender: You’re born male or female, you have a gender. If not, then you’re useless to the human species and should simply cull yourself from this planet.
Androgyne, Androgynous, FTM, and MTF: This is when boys play with dolls or girls play American football. Stop it! Chick suck dicks and dudes kick asses. Dudes who suck dick are faggots and chicks who kick ass, well, they’re actually hot; but not the hairy ones!
Bigender and Transexual: This is called a greedy mother fucker who can’t pick a team and play for it. I call it Meterosexual. Guys who want to be gay, but just can’t go through with it. Fat, hairy bitches or homo dudes who think they can get more play by dressing up as the other team.
Cigender: What the fuck? So, I’m a dude who acts like a dude so now I’m Cigender. How about “Fucking NORMAL,” or “is not a freak of nature who should have a toaster thrown in my bath water.”
Gender Fluid: I’m guessing this is like that Wonder Twin who turned into water and was always useless?
Gender Nonconforming, Neutrois, Non-binary, Pangender, and Transmasculine : Hippy bitch who hates labels and can’t hold a steady job. Dude who is trying to impress hippy bitch.
Gender Questioning: Pull down your drawers, that’ll answer your question.
Gender Variant: Smizmar?
Genderqueer: Made up word found only at a Starbucks, or in San Francisco and Seattle. Why didn’t we sell Seattle to Japan in the 80’s when we had the chance? Fuck, I hate the See cocks!
Intersex: Pseudohermaphroditism, which is the only almost legitimate category on this list.
Neither: Is this like neutering a dog? Because I’m in total support of this one if it is. “Don’t forget to neuter and spay retarded humans!”
Other: There is no other.
Two-spirit: Didn’t we wipe these people out with small pox yet? Dammit, get a clue!
Related articles: (Why the fuck did WordPress remove this feature? It was one of the most fun parts of posting. Jerks.)