Halloween haters

WTF! AYS, Halloween haters?

It’s that time of year again. Yep, it is the time of year when you buy a ton of candy, eat it all, and scream ‘Oh, shit!’ at the last moment and quickly brew up some caramel covered onions for the kiddies.

• Or maybe you’re the type that pulls out the ol’ Parker Brothers Ouija board – because we all know that when you think occult you think Parker Brothers– and talk to some spirit from beyond the veil.

  

  What’s wrong with educating (botany) while having fun (smoking)?

• Or you go out dressed as some bully teenager and steal candy from the kids who wasted their time collecting it for you.
• Or you do what I do: close all of the curtains, turn off all of the lights, watch TV at a really low volume, and ignore the doorbell.

However you celebrate it, Halloween is a great time of the year. So, why the fuck are some dipshits trying to ruin it for everyone? These fucktards are citing economic, religious, and cultural concerns.

Look how easy this is!

Economic:

If you’re so poor that you can’t dress up as a hobo, then you’re simply not trying. Rub some mud on your face, wear to different colored socks (or none at all), and steal a shopping cart to haul your school or work materials. There!

Religious:

If your religion says that you can’t participate then you SHOULD feel like an outsider, you fucking no fun having dweeb. Fuck you and I hope you die painfully and with a dirty anus in your mouth.  So what you are saying is that you can’t fucking dress up, score some candy, and just have some damn fun with your friends without getting all retarded on everyone? With that in mind, why the fuck do the Jews get eight days of presents and I only get one? Does this mean we have to mandate that Christmas is now only fair if it’s eight days long, or should we go for the full twelve days? At least that damn repetitive song would then make sense. Fuck religion! Just consider this an outdoor public masquerade ball with candy treats! Go have fun and shut your pie hole! Or open your pie hole if you’re offered pie!

I’ve been to the Orient multiple times, this is who they are! When I wear it this is meant as a compliment to their culture.

Cultural bullshit:

And what the fuck, seriously, WHAT THE FUCK is a cultural concern? Let me break this to you, America is a MELTING POT, we are NOT MULTI-CULTURAL. If you don’t know the difference, WTF! AYS? America is ONE culture. When you live here – either by choice, because we whooped your ass and took your land, or because we threw you on a boat and said “Enjoy! (If you live, poor sucker)” – you adopt the culture of the land.  If you come here with something better, we’ll take on your little contribution and call it our own.  Other than that, fuck you and your former culture. If you like it so much, go the fuck back from where you came. And don’t give me this shit about ‘I came from here.’ No you didn’t. If you came from here you’d support Halloween.

Here’s how you take a stand. You go to school, or work, or the homeless shelter wearing a costume. Make sure you are respectful and adhering to all other rules, policies, and expectations of your school or business. When someone tries to remove you from the place you refuse. If you need to, handcuff yourself to a desk, radiator, or whatever will hold you in place – just be sure you can still do your job or homework as appropriate. Make them call the cops, Homeland Security, or the TSA (for hot chicks) / a Catholic Priest (for boys).

This is what the more cultured circles call a Period Piece.

My favorite is for me and my friends to dress up as the ICE agents and hang around the local Home Depot. Fun times for all.

I really wish I could legally scald people’s faces with boiling water when they make stupid decisions like renaming or canceling holidays based on fictitious – and they are ALL fictitious – diversity concerns.

Is this a costume or the real deal!?!? Ahh, shoot’im and let the virgins sort’im out.

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