WTF! AYS?

Because my ego says I'm the most important person on the Internet!

Archive for the tag “Fuck”

White Knights


WTF!  AYS, white knights?

White Knights are those people who put honor above reality; who believe that we must coexist with everyone and give everyone the benefit of the doubt.  Unfortunately, sometimes you simply cannot live and let live.  Sometimes you have to judge people and fight people for the sake of what’s right – usually, common sense.

When it comes to life and civilization, the only thing that matters is the "W".

When it comes to life and civilization, the only thing that matters is the “W”.

I’m going to fuck with a lot of people with this post – especially toward the end. The couple of you who thought I was sane are going to have your doubts, while those of you who already think I’m fucking crazy will probably feel you have it confirmed.

You need to read the About WTF! AYS? before behaving too rashly, while at the same time know that these are my beliefs – my words – even if the words are taken to the extreme.

I've got an enlarged phallus, but I don't get to use that as an excuse at work.

I’ve got an enlarged phallus, but I don’t get to use that as an excuse at work.

Read more…

(Anti-)Abortion Activists


WTF! AYS, (anti-)abortion activists?

Yep, this goes out to both the pro life and the pro choice crowd. You’re both a bunch of dipshit fucktards!

So, first and foremost, I am against abortion for any reason not associated with true and reasonable medical issues to the mother or baby, or severe cases such as incest and rape.

Depression is not a real medical issue! Gaining weight is not a real medical issue! Knowing that you’re going to have to stop partying like a fool is not a real medical issue.

No procreation without representation!

No procreation without representation!

Yes, I am for the aborting of Down’s Syndrome babies – or babies with any other known condition that prevents them from taking care of themselves in an appropriate manner as they grow into adulthood. Basically think of this as natural eugenics, where we keep the gene pool strong – not through technology and designer babies, but through common sense.

So, now that I have pissed off both sides of the issue I can continue to fuck with you all in my further commentary.

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Prudes


WTF! AYS, prudes?

What the fuck do people have against sex, sexuality, and porn?

Ladies – beautiful, sensual, lovely, and wonderful ladies – if you’re too scared to use your pussy can I just borrow it for a while?  I’ll treat it well and bring it back in a better condition than I found it.

Guy, really? Studies show that 90% of men masturbate, while the other 10% lie about it.* So, have at it. Jump up and down on your bed, destroy those bed springs while you’re stroking your schlong. You’ll get a good cardio workout and the neighbors will think you’re awesome in the sack – hell, if she’s female she may come over to try some of that action for herself – and you can pretend that Lindsay Lohan is snorting coke off of your cock and putting her fingers in your ass at the same time.

On second thought … ewwww.

Prudes, don’t cite some bullshit study that says sexuality has negative mental and emotional side effects, because I can cite (more than) one right back to you that shows how sex improves emotional stability and mental acumen.

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Fat people


WTF! AYS, fat people?

Don’t give me any of this bullshit:

This is what happens to guys who don’t like girls.

  • I’m not fat, I’m big boned. – No, I’m big boned! My mistress can confirm this. You, sir, are fat!
  • It’s a thyroid condition! – Really, let me see your medical records for proof.
  • I’m not fat, I’m plus sized.  – Fuck that! You’re a multiplication table!
  • My body is a temple! – To whom, Adephagia?
  • Fat is beautiful! – Only when it’s sizzling in a pan of bacon and eggs!

Not only are you taking a terrible toll on my eyes, but your body is screaming at the point of bursting.  Those fart sounds coming from your ankles are not normal!  That smell coming from one of your seven potential bellybutton holes is not the sweet scent of success.  You really should be embarrassed to find a used condom suck in your thigh crack. Read more…

Inaccurate Bible quoters


WTF? AYS, inaccurate Bible quoters?

Bible

Cartoon Bibles are where I think most people receive their understanding.

I’m not sure why I have to keep coming back to religious topics when I’m trying to keep this site as religiously or non-religiously neutral as possible, but when it comes to stupidity I think that religion – or, more accurately the followers of religions – really takes the cake.

How many times have you been out in public when you see some faggots reenacting the Return of the Jedi fight scene between Luke and the black dude with the pink schlong with their penises; or you make an innocent comment about how you want to kill all Europeans because they use Mayonnaise (which is a mixture of cum and eggs) instead of catsup, ketchup, or however you want to fucking spell the word, and some dipshit says, “Don’t judge him! The Bible says, ‘Do not judge lest ye be judged!'” Read more…

Halloween haters


WTF! AYS, Halloween haters?

It’s that time of year again. Yep, it is the time of year when you buy a ton of candy, eat it all, and scream ‘Oh, shit!’ at the last moment and quickly brew up some caramel covered onions for the kiddies.

  • Or maybe you’re the type that pulls out the ol’ Parker Brothers Ouija boardbecause we all know that when you think occult you think Parker Brothers– and talk to some spirit from beyond the veil.

    Child Costume

    What’s wrong with educating (botany) while having fun (smoking)?

  • Or you go out dressed as some bully teenager and steal candy from the kids who wasted their time collecting it for you.
  • Or you do what I do: close all of the curtains, turn off all of the lights, watch TV at a really low volume, and ignore the doorbell.

However you celebrate it, Halloween is a great time of the year. So, why the fuck are some dipshits trying to ruin it for everyone? These fucktards are citing economic, religious, and cultural concerns. Read more…

Obama supporters


WTF! AYS, Obama supporters?

Because I haven’t typed in a while, and some ‘friends’ of mine are spinning me up via e-mails and social networking, I figure I’d stick a big black Oblama dick in their asses for being sofa king wee todd id!

#1: There is no god damn war on women, you stupid ass misandrists. First of all abortion for any other fucking reason than to save the life of the mother, or in the case of incapacitating birth defects in the child – where it will never be able to live on its own – is fucking murder. This isn’t some religious bullshit, this is common fucking sense.

Aborted 9 week fetus

I want my baby back baby back baby back
I want my baby back baby back baby back
Baby back riiiiiiiibs

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Dipshit Employee


WTF! AYS, Dipshit Employee?

First of all, let me start with a tangent.  No, I haven’t forgotten about this site, and yes, I will post here more often.  I’ve been busy working on a side project – negotiating prices between the Secret Service and their, uhhhh, secret services.

It’s all classified, so if I tell you I have to kill you.

Anyway, what the fuck is up with this moron who doesn’t bathe, dresses like a hobo (sans shopping cart), and has the personality of a rabid ape thinking that he deserves a promotion?

If even Andy Dick looks sick when puckering up to another dude’s ass, you know there’s a problem!

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Employers who require facebook info


WTF! AYS, employers who require facebook info?

Let me start this by saying I hate people, therefore I hate social networking.  Oh, I am a very caring person.  If you’re reading this blog/rant know that I care enough to hate you with every fiber of my being – well, if you’re a people that is; since I only hate people (today).  The people who aren’t reading this most important blog/rant in the known multiverse I don’t care about them enough to hate.  Never say I don’t care about you … or say it and be a liar.

Anyway, what was the topic? Oh yeah, asshole employers who require their dumbshit employees to give up their facebook information.  (I’m so glad I don’t have a job.  Unless you consider snorting coke (or delousing powder, I can’t smell the difference) off of unkempt hobo phalluses … phalli … phallussss … fallacies – (what the fuck is the plural of phallus?) – as payment for services rendered.)

First of all, if my boss came to me and asked me to friend him on facebook I’d flat out refuse.  You’re my boss, not my friend.  (Oh, and don’t reference this post in the future when I rant about bosses and how I don’t believe in them.  This is a preemptive fuck you, and fuck my words … and fuck you again for using my words against me.)

You're fired

My new facebook friend!

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Sandra Fluke


WTF! AYS, Sandra Fluke?

Seriously, she wants a private company to fund her, uhhh, private activities?

Fist off, let’s not get into the craptastic stupidity that is publicly mandated healthcare.  I could rant for hours on that; and before you try to delv into it, yes I think people should just die.  You’re going to accuse me of it anyway, so I may as well say it for you.

Sandra Fluke - fUgly

This is what you get when you call those numbers written on the bathroom stalls.

Now, back on this stupid slut (not literally, of course … eww!), Sandra Fluke.  That fat, deaf bastard, Rush Limbaugh had it right.  Fuck his stupid ass apology!  She put herself out there with her ‘schools should pay for contraception‘ bull.  And shut your pie holes about him taking Viagra. If he’s taking Viagra to test that 4-hour hard on issue (that’s priapism for you edjumakated folk), or because he lost sight of his wienie, then I’d be against a private insurer being forced to provide that as well.  But if he has a real medical condition that prevents him from spending sweaty-grunty time with his neighbor’s legless midget, then okay.  I stress MEDICAL condition.  If he just sucks in the sack, then I’d suggest a couple of videos (or free Internet sites) can educate him – on his own dime. Read more…

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